wow. so i'm back in high point and had my first day of classes. as a senior. craziness!
being back in high point has been hard. campus has changed so much and there are SO many freshmen! 1,030! there were only like 500 something in my incoming class. the school is just growing so fast, it's overwhelming. the new buildings are awesome, don't get me wrong. but i just feel like they could be investing their money different and better ways. everything is so lavish and so unnecessary. and then i hear students complaining about things and it just makes me mad...we're so spoiled here!
it's also been hard to get back into my leadership positions with a full heart. i guess compared to what i was doing this summer i just feel like i'm wasting my time. when it comes down to it, for eternity, God's not going to care if i gave a good tour or if i was on ec for student government. he's going to care about how many lives i've impacted. i know that i can still impact lives through the organizations that i'm involved in. and thinking about it i feel like God has placed me there to impact people, it's just a hard to get in that mindset.
i'm upset with myself and how negative i've been lately. i'm was so used to the positive and encourgaging envrionment of project, that being back at school has been hard for my attitude. i can feel myself slipping back into the person i was before this summer. i hate that. i know that i changed this summer, and it was a good change. but i feel like it's been hard for me to maintain those changes in myself, and that makes me sad. i want to be the person i was this summer, but it's hard coming back to people who expect you to be the same person and knowing that i'm not.
it's also hard because all i talk about is chicago and project and everything i learned. i know that i'm upsetting some of my friends because they feel like i don't love them anymore. which isn't true at all. it's just that i experienced something absoutley amazing this summer, which changed me, and changed my perspective on life. it's hard to help them to understand that i'm different. i want different things. i think differently. i am changed.
it is good to see everyone again. seeing them helps me to realize that i did miss them. i'm also excited to be a senior and just the experience that that is going to be. and i love my apartment. i love my roommates. i'm not worried about the envrionment of my apartment. just everywhere else.
i'm kind of anxious about getting more invovled in cru here. tomorrow night they're going bowling and then to cook-out afterwards, and i was invited to go. but i'm kind of nervous about it. i've never been really connected to cru here or anyone involved in it really aside from like 2 or 3 people. i would just show up at meetings. i'm excited to apply what i learned this summer here at high point. on my campus. i was so excited about the campuses in chicago. i want to be as excited about high point!
on a total random note: i really want a tattoo. i've been thinking about it non-stop since i've gotten back to school, and i've wanted a tattoo for the longest time. actually since freshman year. i just might follow through and finally get one! :)
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