iDivert

so. iDivert is a joke between me, bruce, becky, & mofo. one night when i was over at bruce & becky's with matti we were talking about my new job and i explained how i didn't want to answer my phone, i just wanted to hit the iDivert button. they laughed at me because they thought i had made up the "i" part, but it really does exsist. iDivert is a button on my phone. the next morning i sent them a picture text message to prove my point.



i guess the whole point of that story is how easy would life be if there was an iDivert button you could push everytime something happened that you wanted to divert to someone else or to another time. you could hit the iDivert button to avoid the morning or waking up... i just read matthew 8 and can you imagine what it would have been like for Jesus if he had a life iDivert button?

"Hey Jesus, can you please heal my servant?"
"Nope" hits iDivert

"Jesus, the storm is going to sink our boat! Can you help us?"
"Sorry, I'm sleeping." iDivert.

Jesus didn't have an iDivert button. why should we? he didn't steer away from the hard things, he confronted them, head on. i mean he is Jesus, so i guess it was easier for him. and i should want to be like Jesus. but i'm selfish, and want an iDivert life button. selfish.

i feel like lately i've been living my life that way though. iDivert from things i don't want to deal with, espeically when it comes to my living situation. living with my roommate is tough, and i'm pretty much tested in some way or another everyday.  i have the worst attitude about it too. instead of praying for her or praying to love her, i've been praying things like "Lord, help me figure out how to get a new roommate." iDivert to the easier prayer instead of praying my way through this challenge like i should. last night i was at bruce and becky's telling them about my latest dilemma with my roommate and after letting me rant they both spoke truth into my life, asking me if i was praying for her. nope. i haven't been. i wanted an iDivert button for that question, because i knew that hadn't been praying like i should. but that's what i love about b & b. they will let me rant and vent, but then they're right there to help me to see the truth in the situation. i need that.

decisions decisions!!!

ahhh! today is payday!!! do i go to chicago? do i not go to chicago?!?!

i need to make a decision. and fast. airline tickets have already gone up from $250 to $280. i just don't know what to do...

if i go i won't be financially crippled...i'll just have to budget a lot better for the next month, which i've already started doing anyways. sooo...what's it going to be? i feel like i already know what's going to happen...it's just actually going through with that decision. this whole being grown up and making big time decisions is not fun. not at all.

life plan

new idea/inspiration for life plan.

• study for & take gre this fall
• finish out this year at this job. my contract ends may 31.
• go abroad and teach english for a year or do some kind of mission work. i would love to go to south korea.
• apply to grad school
• currently looking at roosevelt university in chicago...big surprise. but i can get a master's of science degree in journalism and concentrate in visual which focuses mainly on photography. pretty awesome.
• get a job that does not require me to sit at a desk from 8-5, where i don't have to dress up everyday (i'm okay with some dressing up, just not everyday), and where it's okay to have a nose ring.

who knows if this will all actually pan out. most likely not since this is my earthly plan and God usually throws a kink in my plans somehow. but we'll see...

apathy...

today marks the completion of my first full work week. yay? i guess?  i'm honestly not quite sure how i feel about it. it seems as if i'm going through the motions of life right now. i'm going to work. paying my bills. going through a daily routine, but i feel like i have no purpose behind any of it. i'm not saying that my new job is awful. it's actually pretty nice. i like the work atmosphere that i'm in. i like the people in my office. and i generally like the work that i'm doing...

...however, compared to what i was doing last summer, this summer is extremely lack-luster. last summer i knew that i was taking steps to make change in people's lives. my life was being changed. i was forming deep relationships and building those relationships every day. i'm not doing that right now. i miss that. i miss feeling like i'm doing things with an intense and definite purpose. i miss the deep and intentional conversations that i had every day last summer. i know i missed these things during the school year, but i think i'm missing them even more now because it's summer. and during the school year i had more community.

i'm trying not to slip into an apathetic slump. i'm trying to turn to God with this and see what i'm supposed to learn from this summer. how i can grow this summer. how i can deepen my relationship with him this summer. but it's hard. it's hard to tell my heart that this is what i'm supposed to be doing. it's hard to not slip down memory lane and keep my heart from aching and longing to be back in chicago.

chicago. some people are planning on making a trip to the city the last weekend of july. i desperately want to go. but i don't know if it's the smartest decision financially and heart wise. i'm not sure if it will be good for me to go back, especially if it's only for a weekend because i know i'm going to crave more time than that. more time with my friends. more time in the city...