apathy...

today marks the completion of my first full work week. yay? i guess?  i'm honestly not quite sure how i feel about it. it seems as if i'm going through the motions of life right now. i'm going to work. paying my bills. going through a daily routine, but i feel like i have no purpose behind any of it. i'm not saying that my new job is awful. it's actually pretty nice. i like the work atmosphere that i'm in. i like the people in my office. and i generally like the work that i'm doing...

...however, compared to what i was doing last summer, this summer is extremely lack-luster. last summer i knew that i was taking steps to make change in people's lives. my life was being changed. i was forming deep relationships and building those relationships every day. i'm not doing that right now. i miss that. i miss feeling like i'm doing things with an intense and definite purpose. i miss the deep and intentional conversations that i had every day last summer. i know i missed these things during the school year, but i think i'm missing them even more now because it's summer. and during the school year i had more community.

i'm trying not to slip into an apathetic slump. i'm trying to turn to God with this and see what i'm supposed to learn from this summer. how i can grow this summer. how i can deepen my relationship with him this summer. but it's hard. it's hard to tell my heart that this is what i'm supposed to be doing. it's hard to not slip down memory lane and keep my heart from aching and longing to be back in chicago.

chicago. some people are planning on making a trip to the city the last weekend of july. i desperately want to go. but i don't know if it's the smartest decision financially and heart wise. i'm not sure if it will be good for me to go back, especially if it's only for a weekend because i know i'm going to crave more time than that. more time with my friends. more time in the city...