...that's what my one roommate said to me after i told her that tonight for cru we did outreach and cleaned three of the frat houses on campus. i called her a jerk and refused to listen to her about her night class. she made a peace offering by giving me an apple chip. i accepted, but it made me think.
why did that comment bother me so much? maybe because i had just spent the past hour and a half mopping and scrubbing the gross basement floor of a frat house. maybe because it was hot and i was tired from driving back to school today and i didn't want to be told that it was all for nothing. maybe it was because i was mad at myself for talking myself into even going to cru tonight because i always feel so awkward, no many how many times i go. maybe because i was mad about the instant reaction that spread across everyone's face when they found out what we were doing tonight, the instant judgment and disdain that was visible. or maybe it was because i was thinking the same thing myself...
"what a waste of time..." was one of the first thoughts that ran through my head when they said that we were going to clean the houses tonight. "they won't appreciate it." "they won't notice that we even did anything..." "why waste our time cleaning when they're just going to trash the house again this weekend...or wait tomorrow night?"
i don't blame my roommate for saying this to me, because honestly i was thinking it myself...
so why did i give in and spend time cleaning a gross frat house? why did i spend time cleaning up somebody else's mess instead of doing my homework?
because Jesus would. because how can i have my judgements about the cru movement here if i'm not willing to pitch in and help? because i want to be like God, and God is a servant. God wouldn't care that he stupidly wore flip flops and got his feet dirty. God wouldn't judge the mess, wouldn't judge how it got there, wouldn't judge the people who made it. why should i judge? especially since i used to be one of those people...
it was strange cleaning the house. it was strange seeing it empty and lifeless, without drunk people, loud music, and fog and flashing lights. that's how i was used to seeing it. it's sad to think that those are the things that give the house life. that those are the things that give those people life. my heart breaks for them...even though it was bitter and resistant at first. my heart breaks because i know what it's like to live for the weekend and the 'life' that the weekend would bring. my heart breaks for the greek community on this campus.
i'm graduating. i have limited time to directly impact this community. but ptl because there are other greeks who are involved with cru who have the same heart as me. we're trying to start acropolis (the greek bible study) back up for next semester. i don't know what i hope for it yet. i don't know what to expect, but if the least we can do is something like what we did tonight, then i think we can slowly make an impact...Christ can work through those kinds of small things because who am i kidding, he's God.
