i am not my own...

so i realized that i hadn't elaborated on why i de-activated my facebook account the first time, and that i said that i would explain...so i guess here is said explanation:

facebook was taking over my life. as sad and as pathetic as that sounds, it's true. i found myself sitting on my computer late at night just randomly clicking and wasting so much time! completely useless! i was also getting caught up in drama that was being posted all over facebook and was getting upset by it. and then i realized that it was stupid that i was letting facebook have that much control over my emotions and mood, so i kind of snapped and de-activated it.

this semester has been kind of difficult for me in a lot of ways. i've been feeling distant and disconnected from phi mu, and a lot have negative thoughts have been on my mind, which never really happened before. i have zero motivation to do school work or go to class. i haven't been motivated to get in the word, or to even spend time with the Lord, which is just really bad...and disappointing. if i'm having all of the negative thoughts and feelings why wouldn't i turn to my Father for help? i've just been so overwhelmingly apathetic, which isn't me.

as stupid as it sounds taking a break from facebook has really helped me to refocus. i'm not checking it several times a day so i'm not faced with the drama, and i can honestly say that i don't really miss it. when i do get facebook back at the end of Lent, it will be more to use as a tool for communication rather than to consume massive amounts of time from my life.

i'm working on a year long reading plan for the Bible and i've started reading the Chronicles of Narnia, which i've never read. it's nice to take time to read some each night...time that any other time i would have wasted clicking aimlessly on facebook.

on a completely other note and update on my life: i will be staying in north carolina and in the high point area after graduation. i have a job. now i just have to work on an apartment, roommate, and car. i can't believe that i'm becoming an adult. ordering my graduation cap and gown was so surreal. i'm almost done with college! crazy!

i'm excited though. i'll get to still be around people who mean a lot to me. i'll be doing a job that i think i'll enjoy working for a boss that i know and am comfortable around. i can get more involved with the Cru movement here at HPU from a different aspect as well as stay with the Journey. it just feels like so many things are falling together, and i'm not quite sure how to handle it. it makes me happy, but it also makes me anxious.

another side note: the winter olympics rock! i love snowboarding!

fat tuesday

tomorrow is lent and i've decided to give up three things: deep fried food, facebook, and skipping class. something from each aspect in my life in hopes to improve it.

it's not like i consume large amounts of friend food, or waste my whole day on facebook (atleast i haven't lately because it's been de-activated), or skip class all of the time. my thoughts behind this is that by removing these things from my life for the next 40 or so days i will be removing habits and temptations that go along with each thing.

for example: by not eating fried food i will eat healthier (maybe i should give up ice cream too...hmmm), by giving up facebook there will be less distraction from school work, and by not being able to skip class hopefully i will fight of my nagging senioritis. i feel like this is a good plan, just hopefully i'll be able to stick to it. which when thinking about it, this is kind of a sad and petty thought.

Jesus was in the desert for 40 days (i think it's 40 days. i'm horrible with knowing actual solid facts) without food or water. and yeah i know that He's Jesus and all and can do that without dying, it's not like i'm going to die without any of these things. it amazes me how hard it is for some people to stick to their lent promises. or that they'll go and make loop holes. one of my favorites is "i'm allowed to do/eat/enter whatever was given up for lent on sunday because it's sunday." no. no that's not how lent works. Jesus didn't come down off of the mountain on every Sunday and gorge himself only to go back up to start the process all over again.

but who am i to judge. who even knows if i'll be able to maintain these three...especially the skipping class one. and i think i've decided to add ice cream...

hey hey hey...goodbye...

i deactivate my facebook. it needed to be done. i was wasting way too much time on it and it was causing unnecessary drama and stress. i will elaborate more later.