landscape

in digital photography we're working on editing our shots for our next portfolio. i've run out of work to do because i still need to go shoot some things, so i figured i'd post some examples of what i've done so far.  one of the categories for our next portfolio is 'landscape.'

this first one is the field that's across the street from where our goats are.

this one is basically my back yard. there's a lot of fields where i live.  at first i didn't really like my shots for this set because i thought the fields were boring, but i've grown to like them through editing and just appreciating where i'm from. there aren't really fields here in high point.

i'm going home for easter and i'm not quite sure how i feel about it. i'm excited to see my family, but i know that it's going to be stressful because of my grandfather moving in... plus, basically two of the days of my break i'm going to be driving, so i'll only actually be home for three days.  it's just a lot of time traveling to not be at home that long.

however, i will be getting my car when i go home. and now i have an apartment, so i won't have as many things to worry about.  it's really comforting and amazing to see how things are slowly coming together. i had been having doubts about whether or not i was doing the right thing by taking the job at high point, especially because it seemed as if i was struggling to get things together, but God has provided for me, yet again. yet again he has proven to me that when i'm patient, he will pull through, and that things happen on his time and on his schedule, not mine.

how lucky are we to have such a gracious, forgiving, and loving God?

PTL!!!!

so thankful for the following things:

• franny pants is okay! so francesca, one of my roommates from project was rock climbing and fell 14 feet! crazy! she broke her leg pretty badly, her tibula and fibula. her tibula penetrated her skin. she had to get surgery and get a rod put in. but i talked to her and she's home and doing better. she's a trooper. i'm so glad that a broken leg was the worst thing that happened. i mean i know it still sucks, but it could have been worse.
• so i'm doing my senior seminar on the darfur crisis and how it was portrayed in the media throughout the world. doing research on it and learning more and more about everything that happened just makes me so thankful that i live in america and that i'm as fortunate as i am. i really am lucky. i take my life for granted.
• i got a project update from joy today! she was my student discipler after the staff left. it's so good to hear how she's doing and how the Lord is working in her life. i really respect her and her relationship with him. she's so mature in so many ways, and i really admire her for that. she was one of the first people that i got to know on project. i miss her.
• i got becca and will's wedding invitation today!!! (more project people.) i'm so excited for them! the invitation was so cute them and so becca. it had owls on it! it's so exciting that they're taking their relationship to the next level and that i get to see it happen. i'm also excited to see people from project. i just need to figure out how i'm going to get to indiana...

digital photography

i've realized that i enjoy shooting people a lot more than i enjoy shooting objects or landscapes or things like that. i think it's more fun to capture their personality though the composition or color or what they're posing with. this is my friend liz. the top one is the original and the bottom is my edited version. i had to shoot a study of a person as one of my assignments and she graciously agreed to pose for me with her car.

i wish you were here...

i woke up yesterday morning to take pictures of the sunrise for my digital photography class, and i was just struck by the beauty. it made me think of watching the sunset over chicago from navy pier, which made me nostalgic and miss project a whole lot. it's hard to believe that it's been seven months since project has been over. it's been awesome to hear from everyone how God is working in their lives and just continuing to grow them, which made me think about my journey with God and how far i've come.

at first it felt as if i was spiritually stunted, but thinking about it more i don't think it's stunted, i think that it's finally consistent. before project i think that i was just going from one spiritual high to another, and waiting for the next striking moment. but now i feel as if i'm finally at a comfortable, steady pace in relationship with the Lord, and it's really comforting.

i wish that all of csp '09 could get together again, and year after our last day together, and just talk about where we are in our lives, what the Lord has done for us, and where we see him leading us.

i feel like lately especially i've been having a lot of flashbacks to random memories from project, and i find myself laughing and smiling to myself. but instead of getting sad, i'm finally content, which i think just reflects everything else in my life. it's crazy how things are starting to come together. i feel like i'm at a good place in life. i'm content. :)

i'm a shipwreck...

I'm a shipwreck
A sailor lost at sea
You're a tidal wave
And you're crashing over me
Caught in your current but I'm sinking
I am drowning peacefully

Crying out come rescue me with love
Like a child needs a night light in the dark
Lord light me up I'm lovesick for just one touch
You're all I need but you never seem to be enough

~lovesick, tenth avenue north

"you're all i need but you never seem to be enough..." theme of my life.

i was on the phone with my mom tonight and afterwards i felt so broken and lost. i felt helpless because things with my grandfather are not going so well and my mom was emotionally worn and i couldn't do anything to help. and that frustrated me, which made conversation with my mom frustrating because we were both getting irritated by stupid things.

i finally took time and journaled, which i haven't done in a really long time. i don't know why i always forget how good i feel afterwards. i know it doesn't fix things, but it helps me to be honest with myself and to be honest with God. i mean he already knows everything, so i guess it's more just being honest with myself and letting God know that i'm being honest with myself. but anyways it feels good. it's refreshing. i'm just stupid and never give myself the time to do it. i'm determined to change that and try to journal every other night. as well as blog more.

i'm going to the scrap exchange with becky on saturday and i'm so excited! i love little random crafty things and this place is a treasure trove of little trinkets. i think it'll be good to get away from campus and everything here for a little, especially with becky and possibly kelly. they're good people, and that's what i need right now.

 

morning prayer

i follow james macdonald on twitter (yes, i finally caved and got one). this morning he posted a link to his blog which was a prayer for today. i thought i'd share.

My Prayer Today
Here’s a prayer I pray in some way almost every single day. When I don’t, I wish I had. Pray with me today . . .

Ephesians 5:18, “Be filled with the Spirit.”

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit today. I can’t fix yesterday, and tomorrow seems a long way off.
Today, Lord: Cleanse my heart from the fleshly residue of yesterday’s fallen humanity.
Today, Lord: Scrub my thoughts and motives till they shine with singularity – wanting Your glory alone.
Today, Lord: Wash me and I will be whiter than snow, purposed afresh to follow Your footsteps.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit today. The tasks ahead are too much. If I must go alone, I cannot go at all.
Today, Lord: I’m not smart enough to know what is best, and not strong enough to choose what is righteous.
Today, Lord: My wife, my family, my friends, my church . . . I am not sufficient for these things, and I know it.
Today, Lord: Or what unfolds in the hours ahead will fade into the abyss of worthless, wasted time.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit right now. Come, make these 24 hours all You created them to be.
Now, Lord: You know how to ‘give good gifts’ and I am so thankful to be called Your child.
Now, Lord: By faith, I receive the Presence You’ve promised, and delight to know that Your Word is true.
Now, Lord: You are filling my life with peace and purpose and freeing my soul to sing.

Galatians 5:16, 22, “Walk then in the Spirit, and you will not fulfill the desires of your flesh. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self control.”

i truly enjoy james macdonald's approach to Christianity and his method of preaching. it's just really easy for his style to resonate with me and for me to get the message that he's trying to teach. i'm so glad that he spoke at indycc because before then i had never heard of him.  he always asks deep and provoking questions and really makes me think and see things in a new light and at a different angle, which is something that i really appreciate. i like to be challenged in my way of thinking and in my faith.

babies!

so i meant to post these earlier but i only just uploaded them to my computer. when i got home on friday i had a lovely surprise waiting for me. one of my dad's goats, daphne, had babies! two healthy baby boys! they were so tiny and fun to play with. part of me misses this about being home. i miss spending time with my dad out at the animals. i forget how much i enjoyed 4-h and ffa. i learned so much through both clubs too. it was nice to spend some time re-connecting with my dad through the babies. raising the animals was something that we did together and i miss it.

last train home...

i'm home for spring break, and part of me wishes that i wasn't. i always forget how stressful home is for me. my family is slightly dysfunctional and when we're all together in the same place it can get a little crazy and tension can be kind of high. it doesn't help either that i quickly run out of patience when it comes to my family. i guess i'm just so used to living away from them that when i am around them stupid little things get on my nerves, things that i used to be okay with but have become so accustomed to not having to deal with.

it's so strange being home too because i don't know when the next time will be that i'll be here. after graduation maybe, but it won't be for long since i start work june 1.

graduation. that's another crazy thing about being home. it feels like just yesterday i graduated from high school and was freaking out and a bag of nerves about college. now i'm about to graduate college. i'm an adult and i don't feel like it! my mom's making it worse too. today she must have brought up graduation and my future job/apartment hunting/anything dealing with the future about fifty different times. i know that it's hard for her and she's just trying to figure things out with me, but i don't like talking about things. i like to bury things away in a little box and only think about or deal with them when i absolutely have to, which i know is horrible, but it's what i do. talking about everything out loud with my mom means that it's reality, and i don't know if i'm ready to face reality yet.

it's stressful trying to figure out what my parents are going to bring down when they come for graduation, what furniture i'm keeping at home and what furniture i want in my apartment (which currently is non existent). i'm also hopefully going to buy a car while i'm home which is a whole other battle.

in all of this it's hard for me to remain focused on God and have comfort in knowing that he's with me through everything, every step of the way. it's so hard to consider different options and decisions like where do i want to live, who do i want to live with, am i buying a car now or later and still keep in mind that everything i'm doing is part of God's plan for my life. it's hard to find comfort in that right now. i know that when i look back on all of this in hindsight i'll be able to be like "oh yeah, now i see what God wanted me to learn from that." not gonna lie though, hindsight really stinks, especially when i want to know what the plan is now.

it's crazy though, the fact that i can't focus on God. in all of the craziness that is my life, God is the one constant. i think the reason that i get so frustrated with my mom is that i want her to comfort me and tell me that everything is going to work out and be okay, but in reality she's just as freaked out as i am, and it's not fair for me to expect her to always be able to comfort me. who should i turn to then? God. duh, scarlett. but do i? no. which is so crazy, because when i do take time to spend in the Word or journal my prayers and thoughts, i feel more calm about everything.

you would think that through all of this i would just learn to always turn to God and give all of my stress, all of my concern and worry to him, and just trust in him that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing. but i don't. it amazes me how consistently stupid and stubborn i can be. i really need to get over myself and accept that i can't know nor can i control everything.

i'm hoping that this week at home and free time to think will help me to refocus. to just hunger and dive into the Word, and for God to really reassure me that my life, what i'm dealing with right now, is not the worst thing in the world. i am going to survive.

random side note/fun thing: i was talking to simon tonight and he sent me this link for a poem about talking to God. note: there is some foul language...just thought i should throw that out there, but i think the message and theme of the poem are pretty awesome.