faith story

so we've been working on our faith story's or testimonies to have ready for when we go sharing. mine's kind of formal because i wrote it more like a paper than a conversation, so i'm going to have to tweak it a little. but i still like the written version, so i thought i'd share it!

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I am Sam. Sam I am. That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do not like that Sam-I-am! Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham. Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

It may seem funny that I’m starting off with Dr. Seuss’s “Green Eggs and Ham,” but the main characters refusal to accept the green eggs and ham from Sam I Am strongly correlates with my initial refusal to accept the gospel, religion, or God into my life.

I grew up in church and went to a private elementary school, so I knew all about religion, God and Jesus, but I didn’t want any part of it. I refused to accept that I needed anything like that in my life. I didn’t need God. I didn’t trust him. I was in control of my life, not him. I was like the main character in “Green Eggs and Ham.” Think of it like this, the gospel= the green eggs and ham, the main character= me, and Sam I Am= God. I refused to accept the gospel, or green eggs and ham. I didn’t trust what God was offering me.

Because of my independence I turned to other things to put my trust in to feel satisfied. In high school I started drinking and found superficial satisfaction in that. I was also extremely involved and felt fulfillment from all of the clubs and activities that I was belonged to, especially if I was in a leadership role.

In high school I also had to learn how to deal with death. Every year of school someone I knew died; friends’ parents, my grandmother, and one of my close friends. Watching how everyone around me was affected by the deaths only pushed me further away from God. I resented him. My distrust grew deeper and deeper and my need to be in control of my life grew more and more.

Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Everything that happened in my life was because of my own doing. I succeeded because I worked hard or failed because I didn’t try hard enough. I was in control. I didn’t believe God could or was helping me.

I went to college embracing my independence even more. I avoided the Christian student groups and chapel services. I didn’t need God. I was in control. I do not like them Sam-I-Am.

Then the summer before my sophomore year of college I was in a car accident and was lucky to survive. After that something struck me. I wasn’t in control of that accident. I didn’t prevent my own injury. Someone or something else did.

I went into sophomore year searching. I started attending a bible study, but I still wasn’t ready to admit that I wasn’t in control. I still turned to drinking and my campus involvement to fulfill the void in my life. God was there, he was offering me the gospel, but I wasn’t ready to take it yet.

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark? I would not, could not, in the dark.

Junior year I started attending a church at school. I was surprised to find that I enjoyed myself and looked forward to the services. I stopped going out on Saturday nights so that I could wake up for church on Sunday morning. I even started to meet with someone to guide my faith on a weekly basis.

One Sunday in October we had a guest pastor. At the end of the service he did the usual prayer to accept Christ, just like the normal pastor did. The weeks before I felt like I wanted to accept the prayer, but I was worried about being judged. But something compelled me to raise my hand, so I did.

You do not like them. So you say. Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and you may, I say. Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see.

I was unsure of what to think afterwards. I didn’t know what steps to take. I thought that I had to be in control. It wasn’t until I saw my one friend’s excitement that I realized the impact of the decision I had made. It was hard for me to understand that I didn’t have to do anything to prove myself. I didn’t have to earn a certain grade or fill out an application. God loved me because I loved and accepted him, simple as that.

I think I finally decided to take the step to allow Christ into my life because I saw all of my Christian friends and how happy they were. They had a feeling of purpose and I wanted that feeling. I wanted more and I couldn’t provide myself with the more that I craved.

Since that Sunday in October my thought process has completely changed. I look at things in a different way and approach situations with a different attitude. I still struggle, but I understand that I can’t control everything in my life. If I succeed it’s not only because of my hard work and if I fail it’s because God has something else planned for me, not because I suck at life.

I’m still growing and still working on trusting God, especially when what I want isn’t what he wants for my life. But I’m learning. I’m learning that he will provide for me and that I’m not alone. I can trust him and he will respond in big ways; like pushing me to go to Christmas conference or sending me to Chicago on Summer Project. I just have to trust him, because he wants what’s best for me.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, this is the Lord’s declaration, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I’m glad that like the character in “Green Eggs and Ham” I decided to take a bite of the gospel and find that I like it. And I’m so thankful that God never gave up on me. I’m not in control of my future, and I’m learning to be okay with that.

I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!

humbled

I feel like my brain and heart are on overload from all of the lessons that God is teaching me everyday. It's so humbling to see how well He knows me. He knows my every thought before I think it and is already anticipating how to teach me from those thoughts or from my actions. I'm overwhelmed with my amazement.

This weekend was a good weekend. Saturday morning I went into the city to do pilates in millennium park with some of the girls. it was so cool! i was laying in millennium park doing pilates while looking up at the chicago skyline. how many people can say that they've done that?!

saturday was the day that i decided to take for myself. i went into caribou coffee by myself to spend some time with the Lord. everone on project got this 14 day devotional called "thirsty." it's from cru press. i'm surprised to say that i genuinely enjoy doing it. it's hard. don't get me wrong. the questions it asks and the things it makes you think about are things that have never crossed my mind before. and it takes about a good hour to get through everything. but it really is good. i really like it. and God is revealing so much about Himself to me through it, so how can i not enjoy it?

sunday i went back to the holy trinity church with my group. i'm still deciding how i feel about it. the people there are really nice. i just think that i've become too accustomed to the contemporary style of worship. so i guess it's good that i'm experiencing more traditional this summer. then sunday night my impact group (my Bible study & a men's Bible study) had a potluck dinner. it was SO good! i was surprised at how good of cooks the guys were! it was a lot of fun. next week the guys are cooking for us, if this weeks food was any indication of their ability then i'm not worried. i know it's going to be good!

tonight was re:charge and it was good. nacy (one of the project directors) talked about dealing with conflict. which amazed me at how applicable it was to my life at the moment. it always cracks me up how God always manages to smack me in the face with the lesson He wants to teach me. it was good though. after re:charge i took the step to resolve the conflict that i was having, and i felt so much better afterwards. God's funny.

tomorrow i'm going on campus because i start work wednesday. it's supposed to be up to the 90's on wednesday. definitely going to have to try to stay hydrated, but i'm excited to finally start working!

p.s. totally irrelevant to this post, but the new incubus album is AWESOME!!!!

i'm a shoreline tours employee!!!

the group that ventured to the buckingham fountain last night!



the sears tower on the architecture tour



sorry for the lack of updates, it's hard for me to find time and energy to take time to blog!

i guess a lot has happened since my last post. i now have a job. YAYYYY!!!!! i was really stressing about finding one, but God provides, and He's continually proving that to me. i will be working as a greeter at shoreline boat tours on navy pier, which basically means that i stand at the ticket booth and greet customers and try to convince other people to take a boat ride. my boss, stace, is so awesome and understanding. apparently he loves people from cru, so he hired six of us which is just so unbelievably amazing! he even sent us on one of the tours for free. we got to go on the architecture tour which takes you through the city on the chicago river. it was really cool to see the city that way. i start on wednesday and get to work the taste of chicago, which is this big week long festival with tons of food and free music. the wallflowers are playing one night and so is augustana. and it's all FREE!

i mentioned before how we were broken into three different groups to go onto different campuses. well with the help of one the cru members at uic, ryan, we got a game of ultimate frisbee scheduled for thursday. ryan's an orientation leader so he told a whole bunch of the freshmen there for their orientation weekend. reaching the freshmen is one of our main goals. so we go and there's about 5 freshmen there to play ultimate. a small number yes, but i was glad that there were going to other people and not just ryan and us. so everyone's playing ultimate and i leave with one of the freshmen girls to go find other people to play. i come back with more freshmen only to see one of the guys from project (quinn) diving for the frisbee and then just hit the groud...hard. he hit the storm drain and dislocated his shoulder. so we're all scrambling around trying to get him to the hospital, calling project directors...just craziness. long story short quinn's okay, but he has to be in the brace contraption thing for 6 weeks and then do physical therapy for 6 months. poor guy. he has a pretty great attitude though considering everything.

needless to say, i don't know if we'll be using ultimate as a strategy to reach freshmen again. we'll see.

thursday was my campus day. i went to ai with katie my dicipler and we got to share with a girl, mary. it was honestly one of the most amazing conversations i've ever had. i was definitely nervous going into it because mary was sitting in a large group and i was just scared to go up and initiate conversation. but mary was enthusiastic about talking to us, so we started by doing soularium with her. it's so cool how much you can learn about one person through something like that. i felt like she really opened up to me and katie. she's been through so much in her life already. after soularium i got to share the gospel with her and she was so receptive. she said that she wanted to have a relationship with God, but didn't know if she was ready, she just needed time to think and process everything. so we exchanged information with her and i think that we're going to follow up with her sometime next week, or at least try to.

conversations like that remind me why i'm here on project. i'm here to spread the gospel with people. i want others to know about the great and amazing things that God does and i want Him to be a part of their lives too. talking with mary was definitely encouraging. and i honestly enjoyed conversing with her. she was quirky and had a great sense of humor. people like her make it easy for me to want to share the gospel.

last night a big group of us went into the city to see the buckingham fountain. it was a lot of fun. i think the random late night adventures with everyone are one of my favorite things.

i'm excited for tomorrow. at 9 there's free pilates/yoga in millennium park that a bunch of the girls are going to. then i'm just going to take the day for myself to catch up on my time with the Lord. i'm in definite need of some "me" time. the past few days have been packed with other people's company, which is good, i'm not complaining, but i do need some alone time.

i really do love it here in chicago and the people on project with me. i don't think i'll ever get over my own amazement of being here.

love

i am honestly in love with the city of the chicago. i'm so blessed to be here, especially with such an awesome group of people. it's just so amazing to see what strong relationships are forming already and it's only been a week. i honestly feel like i've known these people forever.

it's also so awesome to see God working through us. just listening to everyone's stories from when we go out sharing, it's obvious that He is doing big things through us.

yesterday me and becca went into grant park to share soularium at the blues festival. at first neither one of us were feeling it. it was later, around 8:30, everyone had been drinking all day, and we were tired. honestly both of us just wanted to give up. there were tons of people and it was loud and overwhelming.

but we decided to stick it out and went to millennium park instead where it was a little more quite. we ran into three high school girls and did soularium with them. it was SO encouraging and crazy how God just pulled us to them. the one girl is about to be a senior in high school and is struggling with religion. i could relate to her so easily because the doubts and concerns she had were what i just experienced earlier this school year. so we did soularium and shared the gospel with them. then we gave them our contact information and told them that we'd love to meet up with them and chat some more.

it just baffles me how God is always so knowing. He knew that me and becca needed encouragement and He knew that the girl needed someone to talk to.

today we all broke up into four different groups and went to four different churches. my group went to the holy trinity church. it was interesting. it's a lot like my church at home, more traditional hymns and messages and more structured. i appreciated it and enjoyed it, but it made me miss the journey so much. i definitely enjoy contemporary services a lot more.

then tonight our action group (Bible study) met up with a men's action group and we all went out to dinner together. we went to a legit genuine mexican restaurant...which was kind of a struggle because they didn't speak much english and i know no spanish whatsoever. but the food was pretty good.

after that we all came together as a group and went to a local park. some people played ultimate and some played kickball. it was just nice to enjoy each others company as a whole and spend some time just relaxing. plus i love kickball. ha.

spoiled

being here on project has definitely made me realize how spoiled i am at school. i just put 2 loads of wash in and had to pay $3. i'm not used to this having to pay for things bit. it's making me appreciate what high point does for it's students. i also take our wireless for granted. i haven't posted much because i struggle to get a wireless connection, and since my computer hates me my Ethernet doesn't really work.

but now to the good stuff. i am constantly amazed that i'm actually here. God is definitely challenging me on a daily basis. mostly i'm learning to work on my patience, which unfortunately i prayed for earlier in the school year, so it seems like now i'm constantly struggling with it. waiting to hear back on job applications is hard as well as just my patience with other people. it's a good lesson though and very humbling.

so since sunday i've basically been out applying for jobs full time. it's so draining! it's hard to trust God that he's going to provide me with a job and it's scary not knowing what my income is going to be. God's also teaching me how to budget my money. haha. which is a lesson that i totally need. so monday and tuesday i was out in the city just applying for jobs.

monday night we had what's called re:charge which is basically just a meeting for everyone on project to go over the plan for the week and worship together. on monday we found out which campuses we're going to be ministering to. i'm at uic (university of illinois-chicago), illinois institute of art, and school of the art institute of chicago.

tuesday night we had our action groups (Bible study groups). it was nice to get back into that atmosphere. i've missed small group so much! we studied the first chapter of Galatians. it was neat how our leader (natalie) broke it down. it was more like we analyzed the writing of it, who wrote it, why was it written, what was the purpose, and who were they writing it too. i don't know why but i've never looked at the Bible that way, but i found that i liked it a lot.

wednesday was my day to go on campus. i went to the merchandise mart where a.i. (art institute) is. it's the largest building in the u.s. i think? while there me and the staffer i was with (mindy) talked to this one girl christina. we got her to do soularium with us, but she told us that she didn't like religion or anything spiritual. however she still talked to us quite a bit, which was interesting. the campus there is small so i'm pretty sure that i'll run into her again. after that i went to uic's campus and met with my discipler (katie) and just talked and got to know her. i told her my story and she made me practice sharing the KGP (knowing God personally) booklet with her...which was interesting. i'm nervous for when i have to actually share it with someone for real. but it was cool to get to know here better.

wednesday night was re:late which is like a typical cru meeting where we can bring people that we've been ministering to to come and worship. it was nice to just worship with music, because that's always my favorite part. a bunch of students who are involved in the chicago metro cru came to worship with us. they run on the quarter system so they're getting ready to take finals, but it was cool to see them excited about what we're doing, trying to bring cru to other campuses and build interest.

thursday i had an interview at potbelly sandwich works in merchandise mart. so i went there hoping for possible employment, but i only got one question into the interview. when the manager found out that i was only going to be here for the summer she said that they needed more long term people. i was really disappointed because i need a job badly, but i know that it's because God has something else planned for me.

yesterday me and two of my roommates, emily and francesca, decided to take a break from the whole job hunting process. we went into the city and chilled at caribu coffee and read our Bibles. i worked on my faith story because i have to get it down to 3 minutes. after that we went to millennium park and just sat. there was a free orchestra concert that was going on so we sat and listened to that for awhile. it was nice to be able to go into the city and really enjoy it. the other days i've been so consumed with finding a job and applying places that i never got the time to enjoy chicago. yesterday was the first day that i realized that i'm in chicago! then later last night around 11 a bunch of us decided to go into the city to take some pictures. a lot of people here are into photography so it's cool to talk to them and learn from them since i know next to nothing about my camera and everything. hopefully my shots will turn out, it was kind of dark in some places.

yesterday was definitely needed. it was good to spend time with the Lord and relax and spend time with friends. it helped me to remember why i'm here, to serve Him. finding a job is part of that, but not the main purpose. i needed to be reminded of that.

i'm learning so much about God. and i'm so amazed by it.

welcome to the windy city!!!

hey guys!

so today was my third day in chicago and can i just say that it is SO awesome!

my plane got in friday about 15 minutes early so i went to get my luggage and met the staffer who was there to pick me up, kate. she is super nice and just so energetic and excited about God that it's infectious. so after meeting up with two other students and the staffer who picked them up we got on the "el" (elevated train...it's chicago's subway system) and rode for about an hour to get to the apartment building where we're staying. it was so crazy because as soon as we walked in all of the staff was there to greet us and were cheering for us and everything. i was kind of overwhelmed!

so i checked in and everything, unpacked, and went to get lunch with a bunch of people. i was kind of nervous because they seemed to know each other already, but it was cool. it wasn't until about an hour and a half after i got here that i got to meet my roommates. but they are so awesome. i couldn't have asked God to have put me with better girls. they're just so encouraging and we all get along so well. it's only been three days but i feel like i've known them forever. crazy. i know.

yesterday was my first day really in the city. we went on a scavenger hunt in different areas. my group decided to go to the magnificent mile (which is a mile long of shopping!), the navy pier, and wriglyville. it was so cool just to get into the city. and we were broke up into different groups so it was cool to get to hang out with other people. the one guy in my group totally reminds me of josh fast. his mannerisms, the way he talks and carries himself...everything! and he's from ohio. wierd.

today i went to millennium park with one of the staff members, kristen, to practice sharing my faith. it was pretty scary since i've never done it before. just randomly going up to strangers and asking them about their relationship with God?!?!? what?!?!? but it was good. kristen was really encouraging and helped me out when i struggled. however i was lucky enough that all of the people i talked to were Christians...so we'll see how i feel about it after i've had a few tough encounters. but i'll get plenty of practice this summer!

tonight we had a womens' night and it was just so awesome to hear everyone sharing their struggles and to see how God compelled everyone to bond and share their stories. it was crazy. it's so strange to think that after only 3 days the relationships that i'm forming with these women are so strong already!

tomorrow we're going job hunting, so pray for me that i'm successful in employment! i'll post some pictures later. my internet connection has been screwy lately. i have to get someone who's tech savvy here to check it out for me!