faith story

so we've been working on our faith story's or testimonies to have ready for when we go sharing. mine's kind of formal because i wrote it more like a paper than a conversation, so i'm going to have to tweak it a little. but i still like the written version, so i thought i'd share it!

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I am Sam. Sam I am. That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do not like that Sam-I-am! Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham. Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

It may seem funny that I’m starting off with Dr. Seuss’s “Green Eggs and Ham,” but the main characters refusal to accept the green eggs and ham from Sam I Am strongly correlates with my initial refusal to accept the gospel, religion, or God into my life.

I grew up in church and went to a private elementary school, so I knew all about religion, God and Jesus, but I didn’t want any part of it. I refused to accept that I needed anything like that in my life. I didn’t need God. I didn’t trust him. I was in control of my life, not him. I was like the main character in “Green Eggs and Ham.” Think of it like this, the gospel= the green eggs and ham, the main character= me, and Sam I Am= God. I refused to accept the gospel, or green eggs and ham. I didn’t trust what God was offering me.

Because of my independence I turned to other things to put my trust in to feel satisfied. In high school I started drinking and found superficial satisfaction in that. I was also extremely involved and felt fulfillment from all of the clubs and activities that I was belonged to, especially if I was in a leadership role.

In high school I also had to learn how to deal with death. Every year of school someone I knew died; friends’ parents, my grandmother, and one of my close friends. Watching how everyone around me was affected by the deaths only pushed me further away from God. I resented him. My distrust grew deeper and deeper and my need to be in control of my life grew more and more.

Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Everything that happened in my life was because of my own doing. I succeeded because I worked hard or failed because I didn’t try hard enough. I was in control. I didn’t believe God could or was helping me.

I went to college embracing my independence even more. I avoided the Christian student groups and chapel services. I didn’t need God. I was in control. I do not like them Sam-I-Am.

Then the summer before my sophomore year of college I was in a car accident and was lucky to survive. After that something struck me. I wasn’t in control of that accident. I didn’t prevent my own injury. Someone or something else did.

I went into sophomore year searching. I started attending a bible study, but I still wasn’t ready to admit that I wasn’t in control. I still turned to drinking and my campus involvement to fulfill the void in my life. God was there, he was offering me the gospel, but I wasn’t ready to take it yet.

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark? I would not, could not, in the dark.

Junior year I started attending a church at school. I was surprised to find that I enjoyed myself and looked forward to the services. I stopped going out on Saturday nights so that I could wake up for church on Sunday morning. I even started to meet with someone to guide my faith on a weekly basis.

One Sunday in October we had a guest pastor. At the end of the service he did the usual prayer to accept Christ, just like the normal pastor did. The weeks before I felt like I wanted to accept the prayer, but I was worried about being judged. But something compelled me to raise my hand, so I did.

You do not like them. So you say. Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and you may, I say. Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see.

I was unsure of what to think afterwards. I didn’t know what steps to take. I thought that I had to be in control. It wasn’t until I saw my one friend’s excitement that I realized the impact of the decision I had made. It was hard for me to understand that I didn’t have to do anything to prove myself. I didn’t have to earn a certain grade or fill out an application. God loved me because I loved and accepted him, simple as that.

I think I finally decided to take the step to allow Christ into my life because I saw all of my Christian friends and how happy they were. They had a feeling of purpose and I wanted that feeling. I wanted more and I couldn’t provide myself with the more that I craved.

Since that Sunday in October my thought process has completely changed. I look at things in a different way and approach situations with a different attitude. I still struggle, but I understand that I can’t control everything in my life. If I succeed it’s not only because of my hard work and if I fail it’s because God has something else planned for me, not because I suck at life.

I’m still growing and still working on trusting God, especially when what I want isn’t what he wants for my life. But I’m learning. I’m learning that he will provide for me and that I’m not alone. I can trust him and he will respond in big ways; like pushing me to go to Christmas conference or sending me to Chicago on Summer Project. I just have to trust him, because he wants what’s best for me.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, this is the Lord’s declaration, plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I’m glad that like the character in “Green Eggs and Ham” I decided to take a bite of the gospel and find that I like it. And I’m so thankful that God never gave up on me. I’m not in control of my future, and I’m learning to be okay with that.

I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!