in the past few weeks there has been a lot of throwage of my hands in the air...but more out of frustration then anything else. not because i want to dance around and sing like the song 'dynamite' talks about.
the past few weeks at work have been so extremely challenging. there have been some changes in the office and as a result i have gained more responsibility, which is good, it gives me a chance to prove myself in a way. on the other hand, i have been so stressed and overwhelmed with everything that i'm going a little crazy. some of the responsibilites that i have gained i just don't know how to fulfill. for example, i'm now in charge of managing this online community kind of thing that we have and creating registration forms and emails through it. well this community is not easy to manage. a lot of the things that i have to do involve some intense html coding. yes. i said it. html coding. um. so yeah. those of you that know me know that i do not speak nerd. i know the very minimal about html, and what i do know is only from my high school myspace days. needless to say, mentally, i have been challenged, pulled, stretched, and broken down on numerous occasions.
on top of dealing with learning nerd lingo at a very rapid pace, i've also had to juggle my old responsibilites, which have seemed to fall to the back burner on my priority list. there have been many days where i've just wanted to leave for lunch and not come back.
outside of work i'm still dealing with the issues surrounding the apartment and break in, insurance companies, police reports, and now my car has decided to go on the fritz. it feels like ever since i've officially become part of the "adult" world i've been slammed with one issue after another. there are moments that i just want to throw my hands up in the air and just scream, kick, and possibly cry. i want to yell that i don't want to be an adult, i don't know how to fix these problems, and i want my parents to make everything better.
i've been thinking about everything a lot this morning. what am i supposed to be gaining from all of this? what is God really trying to teach me? and the thing that i keep coming back to is that i am not in control of my life. not one part of it. not my work life. not my personal life. i'm not even in control of how my stupid car works. God is. he controls everything. EVERYTHING!!! it amazes me how many times i need to learn this. how many times does he have to show me this? i wish he could take a big sledge hammer and smash it into my brain. but i'm such a control freak. i feel like i need to control everything. I AM NOT IN CONTROL!
instead of throwing up hands up in the air in frustration, i need to throw them up to God and say, "i know i can't fix this, only you can....and you know what? i'm okay with that."
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
pressure! pushing down on me...
phew. it's friday. and boy am i thankful for that. this past week has been so challenging in so many different ways that it's a little bit ridiculous. i know that it's God trying to grow me, but man...how much growth can a person take in one week?
i think that's kind of the beauty of everything that's happened. through all of this God has shown me that i can handle more than i thought i could. work is challenging. i'm gaining more responsibility, which in one way is good, but in another it makes life more stressful. i find myself thinking about work and things that i need to do for work in the middle of the night or on the weekend. i'm in a pretty good working environment, which makes things a little better. for the most part everyone in my office gets along and are nice to each other. i may not always like the work that i have to do, but that's life, and i'm learning to deal with and understand that.
i'm also learning how to just deal with life and life situations. it feels like i'm getting a crash course. get an apartment. pay bills. get a full-time job. learn how to deal with someone breaking in and stealing from you. learn how to deal with a difficult roommate. you know. the norm. ha.
there are so many things that i'm thankful for though as well. i'm so thankful that it was only material things that were lost. thankful that i have insurance that will cover the cost of the lost items. thankful that i have such loving and caring friends who have helped me through everything. honestly. my friends have been great. bruce and becky let me and amy stay at their house the night we got back from the beach so i didn't have to worry about cleaning up right away. my boss has also been really understanding and caring, offering to help me out in any way that he can.
life's crazy. i feel like God's showing me that i'm not in control of anything. at all. simple as that. he is. and while i know that, i feel like i needed to be reminded of that, and in a big way. and while it stinks. i'm thankful. i needed it.
a friend shared these verses with me after hearing about everything:
....but i can still be thankful that it's friday. PTL! :)
i think that's kind of the beauty of everything that's happened. through all of this God has shown me that i can handle more than i thought i could. work is challenging. i'm gaining more responsibility, which in one way is good, but in another it makes life more stressful. i find myself thinking about work and things that i need to do for work in the middle of the night or on the weekend. i'm in a pretty good working environment, which makes things a little better. for the most part everyone in my office gets along and are nice to each other. i may not always like the work that i have to do, but that's life, and i'm learning to deal with and understand that.
i'm also learning how to just deal with life and life situations. it feels like i'm getting a crash course. get an apartment. pay bills. get a full-time job. learn how to deal with someone breaking in and stealing from you. learn how to deal with a difficult roommate. you know. the norm. ha.
there are so many things that i'm thankful for though as well. i'm so thankful that it was only material things that were lost. thankful that i have insurance that will cover the cost of the lost items. thankful that i have such loving and caring friends who have helped me through everything. honestly. my friends have been great. bruce and becky let me and amy stay at their house the night we got back from the beach so i didn't have to worry about cleaning up right away. my boss has also been really understanding and caring, offering to help me out in any way that he can.
life's crazy. i feel like God's showing me that i'm not in control of anything. at all. simple as that. he is. and while i know that, i feel like i needed to be reminded of that, and in a big way. and while it stinks. i'm thankful. i needed it.
a friend shared these verses with me after hearing about everything:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
James 1:2-3at the time i didn't fully appreciate the meaning behind the verses, but now i think i understand. i am joyful. joyful that these events bring me even closer to Jesus. joyful that he tests me, but i still remain strong in my faith. yeah, the tests and trials may suck and be hard and test my patience to the extreme limit and further than they've ever been tested, but i know that it's good.
....but i can still be thankful that it's friday. PTL! :)
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