abby came over on thursday to hang out for a bit. it was nice to talk to her about project and everything that's been going on since then. she told me that i'll grow more in the next six months than i did my whole summer on project. i'm beginning to think that it's going to be a painful growing experience.
i don't know how i'm feeling. my heart hurts for the students here. for their need to get completely obliterated every night because that's what they think college is about. my heart hurts because that's what i used to think. that's how i used to be. there have been so many ambulances on campus this weekend just because of people being too drunk and getting sick. honestly initially it disgusts me. but then it makes me sad. i want everyone to learn everything that i learned this summer. i want them to turn to God to find satisfaction, not alcohol, or boys, or other empty things.
and the guys here make me so angry! some of the things that they yell to girls or i over hear them saying. ahh! no wonder girls here act like they do if they think that's all that they're worth. it's so depressing.
it's hard to experience something amazing and then come back to something not so amazing. plus i have so much stinking homework already. this semester's going to be tough.
however i did go bowling and to cook-out with cru on wednesday and met two freshmen girls who are super sweet. it was cool to get to know them and they're going to church with me and a few of my friends tomorrow. it made me happy because it reminded me of doing outreach at uic this summer, but it's even cooler because i can actually truly follow through with them here at my campus. it's not just hey! okay peace bye. i can actually build a relationship with these girls. and it's crazy because i never thought that that would be something that i would be excited about.
abby told me that i should read the book of john with this one question in mind: "is he who he claims to be?" her passion for Jesus truly inspires me.
on a completely random side note: owl city is coming to play in carrboro on sept. 11. i've recruited people and i'm totally going. :)
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
i'm a senior? when did that happen?!
wow. so i'm back in high point and had my first day of classes. as a senior. craziness!
being back in high point has been hard. campus has changed so much and there are SO many freshmen! 1,030! there were only like 500 something in my incoming class. the school is just growing so fast, it's overwhelming. the new buildings are awesome, don't get me wrong. but i just feel like they could be investing their money different and better ways. everything is so lavish and so unnecessary. and then i hear students complaining about things and it just makes me mad...we're so spoiled here!
it's also been hard to get back into my leadership positions with a full heart. i guess compared to what i was doing this summer i just feel like i'm wasting my time. when it comes down to it, for eternity, God's not going to care if i gave a good tour or if i was on ec for student government. he's going to care about how many lives i've impacted. i know that i can still impact lives through the organizations that i'm involved in. and thinking about it i feel like God has placed me there to impact people, it's just a hard to get in that mindset.
i'm upset with myself and how negative i've been lately. i'm was so used to the positive and encourgaging envrionment of project, that being back at school has been hard for my attitude. i can feel myself slipping back into the person i was before this summer. i hate that. i know that i changed this summer, and it was a good change. but i feel like it's been hard for me to maintain those changes in myself, and that makes me sad. i want to be the person i was this summer, but it's hard coming back to people who expect you to be the same person and knowing that i'm not.
it's also hard because all i talk about is chicago and project and everything i learned. i know that i'm upsetting some of my friends because they feel like i don't love them anymore. which isn't true at all. it's just that i experienced something absoutley amazing this summer, which changed me, and changed my perspective on life. it's hard to help them to understand that i'm different. i want different things. i think differently. i am changed.
it is good to see everyone again. seeing them helps me to realize that i did miss them. i'm also excited to be a senior and just the experience that that is going to be. and i love my apartment. i love my roommates. i'm not worried about the envrionment of my apartment. just everywhere else.
i'm kind of anxious about getting more invovled in cru here. tomorrow night they're going bowling and then to cook-out afterwards, and i was invited to go. but i'm kind of nervous about it. i've never been really connected to cru here or anyone involved in it really aside from like 2 or 3 people. i would just show up at meetings. i'm excited to apply what i learned this summer here at high point. on my campus. i was so excited about the campuses in chicago. i want to be as excited about high point!
on a total random note: i really want a tattoo. i've been thinking about it non-stop since i've gotten back to school, and i've wanted a tattoo for the longest time. actually since freshman year. i just might follow through and finally get one! :)
being back in high point has been hard. campus has changed so much and there are SO many freshmen! 1,030! there were only like 500 something in my incoming class. the school is just growing so fast, it's overwhelming. the new buildings are awesome, don't get me wrong. but i just feel like they could be investing their money different and better ways. everything is so lavish and so unnecessary. and then i hear students complaining about things and it just makes me mad...we're so spoiled here!
it's also been hard to get back into my leadership positions with a full heart. i guess compared to what i was doing this summer i just feel like i'm wasting my time. when it comes down to it, for eternity, God's not going to care if i gave a good tour or if i was on ec for student government. he's going to care about how many lives i've impacted. i know that i can still impact lives through the organizations that i'm involved in. and thinking about it i feel like God has placed me there to impact people, it's just a hard to get in that mindset.
i'm upset with myself and how negative i've been lately. i'm was so used to the positive and encourgaging envrionment of project, that being back at school has been hard for my attitude. i can feel myself slipping back into the person i was before this summer. i hate that. i know that i changed this summer, and it was a good change. but i feel like it's been hard for me to maintain those changes in myself, and that makes me sad. i want to be the person i was this summer, but it's hard coming back to people who expect you to be the same person and knowing that i'm not.
it's also hard because all i talk about is chicago and project and everything i learned. i know that i'm upsetting some of my friends because they feel like i don't love them anymore. which isn't true at all. it's just that i experienced something absoutley amazing this summer, which changed me, and changed my perspective on life. it's hard to help them to understand that i'm different. i want different things. i think differently. i am changed.
it is good to see everyone again. seeing them helps me to realize that i did miss them. i'm also excited to be a senior and just the experience that that is going to be. and i love my apartment. i love my roommates. i'm not worried about the envrionment of my apartment. just everywhere else.
i'm kind of anxious about getting more invovled in cru here. tomorrow night they're going bowling and then to cook-out afterwards, and i was invited to go. but i'm kind of nervous about it. i've never been really connected to cru here or anyone involved in it really aside from like 2 or 3 people. i would just show up at meetings. i'm excited to apply what i learned this summer here at high point. on my campus. i was so excited about the campuses in chicago. i want to be as excited about high point!
on a total random note: i really want a tattoo. i've been thinking about it non-stop since i've gotten back to school, and i've wanted a tattoo for the longest time. actually since freshman year. i just might follow through and finally get one! :)
Monday, August 17, 2009
are you 18?
low of today: (if you even want to consider it a low) i went into the local convenience store for my mom, she wanted lottery tickets, and the cashier carded me.
her: "are you 18?"
me: "huh?"
her: "you know you have to be 18 to buy lottery tickets, right?"
me: "uh, yeah. i'm 21."
her: "okay. can i see your id?"
it was actually kind of amusing. i'm a senior in college, and i was getting asked if i was old enough to buy lottery tickets. ha.
oh. also i have to pack for school. i leave wednesday. i hate packing. hate hate hate it.
highs of today:
i got my web cam in the mail! :) which means that i can skype with all of the lovely project people that i miss so much!
i got a hair cut, it was desperately needed.
i started reading the book of jeremiah today. i didn't get very far because i had to get my mom from work, but i like it. i'm excited to read further into it. i really enjoy how the old testament is written. it's really beautiful. i'm always amazed to find myself enjoying reading the bible. i guess i'm still not used to finding pleasure in it.
god is good. and even though i feel like i'm in a slump, he's always here for me. i just need to remember that.
her: "are you 18?"
me: "huh?"
her: "you know you have to be 18 to buy lottery tickets, right?"
me: "uh, yeah. i'm 21."
her: "okay. can i see your id?"
it was actually kind of amusing. i'm a senior in college, and i was getting asked if i was old enough to buy lottery tickets. ha.
oh. also i have to pack for school. i leave wednesday. i hate packing. hate hate hate it.
highs of today:
i got my web cam in the mail! :) which means that i can skype with all of the lovely project people that i miss so much!
i got a hair cut, it was desperately needed.
i started reading the book of jeremiah today. i didn't get very far because i had to get my mom from work, but i like it. i'm excited to read further into it. i really enjoy how the old testament is written. it's really beautiful. i'm always amazed to find myself enjoying reading the bible. i guess i'm still not used to finding pleasure in it.
god is good. and even though i feel like i'm in a slump, he's always here for me. i just need to remember that.
Friday, August 14, 2009
just give it time...
my roomies. i miss them. a lot.Just give it time
It's gonna get better
Now is not forever at all
Just give it time
Everything changes
Tomorrow comes today will be gone
Everything's gonna be fine
Just give it time, give it time
i have developed a new found love for jon mclaughlin. he's so talented.
so i've been home for five days. honestly i don't know how it's been. there have been highs. and there have been lows. i worked on wednesday and thursday and those were probably the worst two days. mainly because i hate my job. with an extreme passion. but i needed money. so i worked. but also because my job is extremely boring so i usually just get lost inside my head. which is bad. so i was working and thinking about chicago and just getting depressed.
it honestly amazes me how close i got to everyone and how quickly it happened. i know that i've said it before, but it honestly just shocks me. they really are family to me. craziness.
it's weird to be home with other friends. i went out with a few friends the other night and it just felt so empty. our conversation was so lacking. i didn't care about what they were talking about. i just wanted to talk about chicago and the awesome things that God is doing. but they didn't want to talk about that. which just made me even more depressed.
my favorite watch broke yesterday. the watch that i wore all summer and now have a sweet tan line from. yep. it broke. as pathetic as it sounds, my watch breaking just about triggered an emotional break down. i started yelling. my mom started yelling. it was a mess. all over a stupid watch. sad. i know.
i know it's going to be better when i go back to school. it's just waiting to go back that's the sucky part. as well as packing. i hate packing. especially when i have to unpack only to repack. lame.
this post is kind of depressing. i promise i'm not that depressed.
good news time: my web cam is on the way. i found my thirsty devotional (i thought i left it in chicago). i got a new watch (even though i thought i didn't want one, the new one's pretty nice). invisible children called me and they want to do a screening at my school. super cool right?! i just have to figure out the logistics. like staying at school for fall break and where to host it and everything. but i'm really excited! i love the invisible children organization! and i got to see my grandfather today. i like him a lot. he makes me smile and laugh.
okay. long post. ending now.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
my heart hurts
so project is over. i kinda failed at keeping this blog up as well as i had hoped, but if you want to know more, just ask me, i would be SO more than willing to tell you about my summer.
i can't believe how fast project went. it's so crazy to me. i also can't believe how close i got to everyone there. 31 other students from all over know more about me than i typically would be comfortable with. but somehow i'm okay with that.
i have learned SO much over this summer. honestly. best summer of my life. what's funny to me is that i was so scared to go. i didn't want to go. i considered backing out so many times. but i'm so thankful that God put it in my heart to go, i'm such a different person from it. and i'm so glad.
i've learned so many things from the 31 other amazing students on project with me. i got to see what a true community living for Christ looks like. awesomeness. the other women there showed me love and relationship beyond my imagination and the guys...well let's just say they've set the bar and expectation SUPER high. i'm so thankful. so utterly and absoutley thankful for all of them.
the first few days home have been okay i guess, except for the nagging ache in my heart. it's just hard to think that all of us are never going to be together in chicago the same way that we were this summer. i can't decided if looking at pictures from this summer makes it better or worse. it's also hard to be home because no one here really gets my experience. i have to wait to go back to school to tell my friends there. it's like i'm bursting at the seams to tell everyone how awesome chicago was. i could talk about it forever.
while i'm sad, i know that God has other big things planned for me. things that i couldn't accomplish in chicago. so for that reason i'm excited to get back to school. i'm excited to see how he's going to use me and grow me in the upcoming school year. i'm also excited because the sooner i go back to school the closer i am to christmas conference in indy and re-uinting with everyone from project. :)
so originally this blog was just going to be for the summer, but i'm going to keep it going throughout the school year. mainly because i don't feel like making another one. haha.
i can't believe how fast project went. it's so crazy to me. i also can't believe how close i got to everyone there. 31 other students from all over know more about me than i typically would be comfortable with. but somehow i'm okay with that.
i have learned SO much over this summer. honestly. best summer of my life. what's funny to me is that i was so scared to go. i didn't want to go. i considered backing out so many times. but i'm so thankful that God put it in my heart to go, i'm such a different person from it. and i'm so glad.
i've learned so many things from the 31 other amazing students on project with me. i got to see what a true community living for Christ looks like. awesomeness. the other women there showed me love and relationship beyond my imagination and the guys...well let's just say they've set the bar and expectation SUPER high. i'm so thankful. so utterly and absoutley thankful for all of them.
the first few days home have been okay i guess, except for the nagging ache in my heart. it's just hard to think that all of us are never going to be together in chicago the same way that we were this summer. i can't decided if looking at pictures from this summer makes it better or worse. it's also hard to be home because no one here really gets my experience. i have to wait to go back to school to tell my friends there. it's like i'm bursting at the seams to tell everyone how awesome chicago was. i could talk about it forever.
while i'm sad, i know that God has other big things planned for me. things that i couldn't accomplish in chicago. so for that reason i'm excited to get back to school. i'm excited to see how he's going to use me and grow me in the upcoming school year. i'm also excited because the sooner i go back to school the closer i am to christmas conference in indy and re-uinting with everyone from project. :)
so originally this blog was just going to be for the summer, but i'm going to keep it going throughout the school year. mainly because i don't feel like making another one. haha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)