morning mash up

last night was not the best night for me. i finally exploded all of the emotion that i've been holding in for about the past 7 months. it was a little bit insane. however, afterwards i felt refreshed and new.  it was as if my body and my heart were forcing me to finally feel what it's been wanting me to feel for the longest time.


this morning i woke up and actually wanted to get out of bed, unlike most days. and then (as cheesy and cliché as this is about to sound) i looked out of my window and saw the sun rise. it was beautiful. the colors were amazing. i wanted to go photograph it. but aside from that, the first thing that popped in my head was the lyrics, "...there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning." as soon as i thought this it was immediately followed by, "into marvelous light i'm running..." so the whole morning while i was getting ready, i just kept playing both songs over and over in my head, but not individually, it was like a mash-up of both. for example:


"into marvelous light i'm running, out of darkness, out of shame. i know i still make mistakes, but you have new mercies for me everyday. your love never fails. lift my hands and spin around, see the light that i have found. there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning..."


crazy. i know. if i was more musically inclined i might actually try to re-write both songs into one song or do one of those cool mash-up videos like dj earworm, but i am not that talented.


anyways, when you think about the message that is in both of those songs, it's not really hard to see how my mind confused and mashed them together. both talk about how Jesus is with us through all things, and how we just need to focus on Him and we won't lose hope or our way. 


i think that i have forgotten that for a little bit. at least my heart has forgotten that. in my head i know it's true, but it's been some time since my heart has felt it. lately i've been going through the routine and motions of living for Christ and believing it in my head, but my heart checked out a little bit ago. i think last night's little emotional episode was God's way of shaking me and getting both my head and my heart back on the same page. it wasn't fun. i don't like crying. i don't like sobbing. i don't like feeling weak and vulnerable. but last night was necessary. because "my dead heart now is beating" and i know that He will "make all things work together for my good."