oh man. this weekend was so good. and i'm so glad because i was in a slump.
so today at church we took communion. before we did pastor alan gave us some time for personal reflection/confession. wow. did God give me a wake up call. i'm not an emotional person...AT ALL...but God's crazy and doesn't care about that, not gonna lie, i was a little teary eyed. yeah, thanks God. he definitely made me realize things about myself that i'd forgotten or have been trying to ignore.
i haven't really been fair to God. i've been narrowing his greatness. i keep lingering on summer project and everything that i learned there. the Lord taught me so much this summer, but i've been acting as if project was the only place for me to learn lessons from him, which is wrong. no doubt that i was smacked in the face day after day with lessons on project because of the awesome atmosphere i was in, but that's not the only place or way for God to work in my life. i don't think i've been allowing him to work in me since being back at school, which is bad. mentally i've been limiting him. what was the point of going on project and learning all that i did if i'm not going to apply it here and allow God to grow me even more?
i also haven't been very open to allowing God to take control of my future. i say that i have, but really i haven't. and when he does present me with an option i freak out and say that it's not what i want. who cares if it's what i want! it's not about me, it's about him and his plan for my life!
i've been stupid and selfish. i feel like instead of sharing God's love i've been hoarding it to myself, but not even so that i can feel it. it's as if i've locked it away in a little safe, not for me, not for anyone. i need to get over it. i realized that today.
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