negligent

i realize that i have become an extremely negligent blogger and since coming to grad school i have only blogged once. it's not that life in muncie hasn't been exciting, because i has, i just apparently can't handle the long term commitment of keeping up with a blog. i can't make any promises, but i am hoping to make more time for writing. i have to finish some homework tonight, but i will blog tomorrow.

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...

professor hester

hahaha! that's what some of my students call me when then email me. i find it to be extremely amusing. it's better than how some of the others address me.  i've had "yo prof." these children need to learn proper emailing etiquette.

anyways. i'm three weeks into grad school and teaching. only three weeks in and i'm stressed out and have already been on a roller coaster of emotions. actually, my moods and emotions kind of reflect what the temperature has been like here lately.  i don't sleep well at night.  i'm constantly thinking about what i need to do to be a better teacher. what assignments are due for my own classes.  and when i'm not thinking these things, i'm dreaming about these things! it's insane. but honestly. i love it.

i'm loving being a student and a teacher. to say that i love it all day everyday would be a slight stretch of the truth. for example today i was extremely stressed out and frustrated by a lot of my students. but then you have that one student who just gets it. and as cheesey, corny, and cliche as this is about to sound, that one student kind of makes it worth it.

my supervisor had to remind me today that i'm not dealing with all "A" students who's main priority right now is school. and i guess that's true.  and i guess i can be a little harsh and have high expectations.  but i just want my students to succeed.  i just want them to get it. to realize that they're now in college and that i'm not their high school gym teacher who's okay with lack luster performance and lame excuses. it's been a weird balance between caring too much and being professional.

d-day

first day of teaching and i am FREAKING OUT!!!!

take 2

so. i'm sitting in the student center at ball state university and i just finished a lovely meal of taco bell. yes. there's a taco bell in the student center. there's also an indoor soccer field and rock wall in the rec center. pretty awesome right? anyways...

it's so weird being a student again.  it's so weird finally being in indiana. as weird as all of this is, it feels right.  there's no doubt in my mind that this is where i'm supposed to be and that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing.  i just feel like God is constantly re-assuring me of that.  yeah there have been some difficulties and moments of anxiety or panic, but in the end everything just works itself out.  i really love this school. i love the communication studies department.  and i really like all of the other t.a.'s so far.  i'm really excited for what this year is going to bring.  i know that i'm going to be challenged and stretched and pulled and forced to grow in ways that i can't imagine and probably won't like, but that's the experience that i knowingly signed up for.  i'm excited to start teaching.  i had doubts. so very many doubts in the beginning of the week, but now i think i'm ready for it.  i think that teaching's going to be my biggest challenge.  but i'm ready for it, especially since it's what i think i want to do for the rest of my life.

i'm so thankful that i've had friends here to show me around, help me out, and just make me feel welcome and comfortable.  i think knowing people here has made this process so much easier for me. i really feel like this is home and i feel so comfortable.  i'm extremely lucky.

i also think the town of muncie itself is pretty awesome.  it's small, but i think there's enough to do.  the downtown area is nice and cute and has some neat places to hang out.  i live close to "the village" which is convenient.  it's nice to be able to walk to places if i need anything.  it gets kind of noisy on the weekend because there are a bunch of bars in the village, but it's not unbearable.  plus, i live right next to campus so i can walk to all of my classes which is just amazing. i lucked into that. i had no idea where my house was.

i'm anxious for everything to get started. (tomorrow's my first day of my classes, i don't start teaching till wednesday).  i think this is going to be a good year.

grad school does not equal undergrad...

...and ball state university does not equal high point university. but i view that as a good thing. so i guess this is a long over-due update on my new life as a grad student, gta (graduate teaching assistant), and resident of the lovely town of muncie, indiana.

where to begin? i feel like my life has been an adventure since i left pa to make the long and treacherous 10 hour drive out to indiana. my dad and i left on the 9th at 4 am to drive out here. i didn't think the drive would be that bad since i'm use to driving 7 hours from nc to pa and back. was i poorly mistaken. the drive from pa to nc, while long, is at least pretty and interesting. the drive from pa to indiana....not so much. there were mountains, and then there were hills, and then it was flat and dull and boring and drives you to the point that you just want to cry. but thankfully we made it to my house in one piece. my crappy little neon even made it without any hiccups (yet...we will revisit the topic of my p.o.s. car in a moment).

i could bore you with the details of my day to day life these past two weeks, but honestly, who wants to read that? so instead i'll do a list of things i've learned so far:

• grad school is going to be hard. i can already tell. i knew it was going to be hard, but i feel like i'm really going to be challenged this next semester. i'm taking 9 hours (which is considered a full course load and i've been told it'll feel like i'm taking 20 hours), teaching three discussion sections of comm 210 (bsu's required speech class), have 6 required office hours, and homework, grading, lesson planning (it's so bizarre to me that that is now part of my normal vocab). i feel overwhelmed whenever i stop to think about it.
• high point spoiled me. a lot. my house doesn't have a washer/dryer so i go to the laundry mat. it costs $2.50 to do one load of wash. just in the washer. crazy, right? it also costs $90 to get a parking pass for the whole school year and that only lets you park in certain parking lots. i only get 500 free prints/copies per semester. i have to pay to take the rec classes like zumba and pilates. basically i'm going to a "normal" school. i really don't hate it. i like that it's so different. i'm learning a lot and it feels nice to not be put in a luxurious little bubble.
• i'm not as awkward as i thought i was. i was so nervous about meeting the other gta's and making friends. making friends is so much easier when you're a little kid. not so much when you're an awkward 23 year old. but it's been okay. i really like all of the other gta's and i think i'm building friendships. it's good to know that i'm not the loner kid on the wall at gym class during dodge ball.
• it's okay to not have everything planned out. i didn't register for classes till monday. i was really anxious about it because i didn't know my schedule, didn't have books, didn't know what to expect. and you know what? i'm fine. i know i have control/planning issues. and it's instances like this that remind me that it's okay to not have everything planned. it may actually be a little better.

i'm sure there's other things that i've learned that i'm forgetting about but this post is getting pretty lengthy and i don't want to be extremely dull and boring. there is one entertaining story though. i got to ride home in the sheriff of delaware county's cop car yesterday. my car broke down on the side of 69 coming back from fishers. i was sobbing (yes. i was actually crying. embarrassingly full out hysterical crying) and the officer pulled in behind me and offered to help. i don't think i've ever been that thankful to see a police officer in my life. long story short my little neon is dead.

i shall return!

i promise i will start blogging again and update about my summer once i'm moved in and settled. i realize that have yet again, i have failed to complete a full p365, but i'm probably going to pick it back up once i'm in indiana. yes. that may be cheating a little bit. but honestly...who's counting?

p365: june 23

june 23: what a riveting and lovely day at work. i spent most of the day wrestling with and probably killing grape vines. there's rows and rows of grapes and they get tangled and need to be untangled. i basically compare it to what it would be like to machete my way through the amazon, minus the machete. don't be jealous of my super fabulous and glamorous job.

anyways, i've decided to retire the pair of toms that i've been wearing to work. they were already pretty beat up before i wore them to work and now they're pretty much shot. they lasted a good three weeks though!

r.i.p. ash canvas toms