heart-filled.

these verses have really helped my heart the past few days. i thought i'd share. :)

This God--his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.  "For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? This God is my strong refuge and has made my way blameless. 

~2 Samuel 22: 31-33

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

 ~2 Corinthians 12:9 

 

home is where your heart is...

i don't know where my heart is right now. kinda all over the place i'd say. the weekend in indiana was wonderful. it was so great to see friends whom i haven't seen since the end of project. it was also so cool to witness the marriage of becca and will.

since being back i've just been bumming around. spending a lot of time in coffee houses so i have internet. right now i'm in winston salem at a coffee house with abby. i just feel kinda blah. i did not want to leave indiana. i hate that i'm so far away from so many people that i care about so much. it's rough.

it felt like leaving and saying goodbye to everyone this time was so much harder then it was in december. i'm not sure why. i think that maybe it's because i'm not longer in school. i have a job. i'm about to start a scary part of my life. a lot of them have at least another year of school and more flexible schedules so it's easier for them to travel to see each other. i'm stuck with a 9-5 job and a not so flexible schedule. i'm stuck in north carolina. over nine hours away from everyone.

i want to be back in indiana...or at least closer to indiana, somewhere in the mid-west. i think right now that's where my heart is right now...

here's the day you hoped would never come...

i go back to north carolina. i start a new chapter of my life tomorrow. i enter the 'real world' and start my big person job on june 1. i'm scared. as much as being home drives me crazy i love the comfort of it. i love spending time with my family no matter how much they get on my nerves.

i just really don't like change. this is a big change. a big scary change. big. scary. change. i know i can do it. i know that this is what i'm supposed to be doing. God has proved that to me on several occasions. however, that does not make it any less scary.

it's the final countdown...

i graduate from college in two days. man has the time flown by. i'm not going to get all emotional and sappy in this post. i'm not that kind of person. plus i'm still processing my feelings. but i did find this quote that i thought was extremely applicable to graduation.

"we do not understand the intricate pattern of the stars in their courses, but we know that He who created them does, and that just as surely as He guides them, He is charting a safe course for us." ~Billy Grahm

 

"you're wasting your time..."

...that's what my one roommate said to me after i told her that tonight for cru we did outreach and cleaned three of the frat houses on campus. i called her a jerk and refused to listen to her about her night class. she made a peace offering by giving me an apple chip. i accepted, but it made me think.

why did that comment bother me so much? maybe because i had just spent the past hour and a half mopping and scrubbing the gross basement floor of a frat house. maybe because it was hot and i was tired from driving back to school today and i didn't want to be told that it was all for nothing.  maybe it was because i was mad at myself for talking myself into even going to cru tonight because i always feel so awkward, no many how many times i go. maybe because i was mad about the instant reaction that spread across everyone's face when they found out what we were doing tonight, the instant judgment and disdain that was visible. or maybe it was because i was thinking the same thing myself...

"what a waste of time..." was one of the first thoughts that ran through my head when they said that we were going to clean the houses tonight. "they won't appreciate it." "they won't notice that we even did anything..." "why waste our time cleaning when they're just going to trash the house again this weekend...or wait tomorrow night?"

i don't blame my roommate for saying this to me, because honestly i was thinking it myself...

so why did i give in and spend time cleaning a gross frat house? why did i spend time cleaning up somebody else's mess instead of doing my homework?

because Jesus would. because how can i have my judgements about the cru movement here if i'm not willing to pitch in and help?  because i want to be like God, and God is a servant.  God wouldn't care that he stupidly wore flip flops and got his feet dirty.  God wouldn't judge the mess, wouldn't judge how it got there, wouldn't judge the people who made it. why should i judge? especially since i used to be one of those people...

it was strange cleaning the house.  it was strange seeing it empty and lifeless, without drunk people, loud music, and fog and flashing lights.  that's how i was used to seeing it. it's sad to think that those are the things that give the house life. that those are the things that give those people life. my heart breaks for them...even though it was bitter and resistant at first. my heart breaks because i know what it's like to live for the weekend and the 'life' that the weekend would bring. my heart breaks for the greek community on this campus.

i'm graduating. i have limited time to directly impact this community. but ptl because there are other greeks who are involved with cru who have the same heart as me. we're trying to start acropolis (the greek bible study) back up for next semester. i don't know what i hope for it yet. i don't know what to expect, but if the least we can do is something like what we did tonight, then i think we can slowly make an impact...Christ can work through those kinds of small things because who am i kidding, he's God.

landscape

in digital photography we're working on editing our shots for our next portfolio. i've run out of work to do because i still need to go shoot some things, so i figured i'd post some examples of what i've done so far.  one of the categories for our next portfolio is 'landscape.'

this first one is the field that's across the street from where our goats are.

this one is basically my back yard. there's a lot of fields where i live.  at first i didn't really like my shots for this set because i thought the fields were boring, but i've grown to like them through editing and just appreciating where i'm from. there aren't really fields here in high point.

i'm going home for easter and i'm not quite sure how i feel about it. i'm excited to see my family, but i know that it's going to be stressful because of my grandfather moving in... plus, basically two of the days of my break i'm going to be driving, so i'll only actually be home for three days.  it's just a lot of time traveling to not be at home that long.

however, i will be getting my car when i go home. and now i have an apartment, so i won't have as many things to worry about.  it's really comforting and amazing to see how things are slowly coming together. i had been having doubts about whether or not i was doing the right thing by taking the job at high point, especially because it seemed as if i was struggling to get things together, but God has provided for me, yet again. yet again he has proven to me that when i'm patient, he will pull through, and that things happen on his time and on his schedule, not mine.

how lucky are we to have such a gracious, forgiving, and loving God?

PTL!!!!

so thankful for the following things:

• franny pants is okay! so francesca, one of my roommates from project was rock climbing and fell 14 feet! crazy! she broke her leg pretty badly, her tibula and fibula. her tibula penetrated her skin. she had to get surgery and get a rod put in. but i talked to her and she's home and doing better. she's a trooper. i'm so glad that a broken leg was the worst thing that happened. i mean i know it still sucks, but it could have been worse.
• so i'm doing my senior seminar on the darfur crisis and how it was portrayed in the media throughout the world. doing research on it and learning more and more about everything that happened just makes me so thankful that i live in america and that i'm as fortunate as i am. i really am lucky. i take my life for granted.
• i got a project update from joy today! she was my student discipler after the staff left. it's so good to hear how she's doing and how the Lord is working in her life. i really respect her and her relationship with him. she's so mature in so many ways, and i really admire her for that. she was one of the first people that i got to know on project. i miss her.
• i got becca and will's wedding invitation today!!! (more project people.) i'm so excited for them! the invitation was so cute them and so becca. it had owls on it! it's so exciting that they're taking their relationship to the next level and that i get to see it happen. i'm also excited to see people from project. i just need to figure out how i'm going to get to indiana...