bucket list

i've never made a bucket list, so i decided to start one.

1. go to Uganda and volunteer/provide aid in some way.
2. hike and camp out in the grand canyon.
3. see and photograph the northern lights.
4. read all of shakespeare's plays.
5. have my writing published professionally.
6. go to south korea for an extended period of time (longer than a week).
7. learn how to cook, like really, really cook. none of this pasta sauce from a jar business. i want to know how to chop, slice, dice and mix ingredients together to fully appease the palate.
8. go skydiving.
9. go to a real piano bar in either nyc or chicago.
10. live in chicago!
11. read the whole Bible from beginning to end.
12. scuba dive in the caribbean or the great barrier reef.
13. run the disney princess half marathon.

i'm sure there will be more. this is just what i could think of off the top of my head. i better start living life!

fall break?

next week is fall break. actually, scratch that. next week is fall break for students, for me it's just another work week, but i'm kind of okay with that.  because the students are off i don't have phonathon, so for one week, my life gets to go back to a some what normal schedule, which will be greatly appreciated.

i feel like so much has happened since i've posted last, but then again, none of it is really worth posting.  last weekend was alumni weekend. i worked like crazy, and was pushed to the limit on several occasions, but i survived and because i worked so much i get to take a week vacation for thanksgiving. :) see, silver lining.  my job pretty much tests me in some way on a daily basis, but i'm learning to expect and deal with it.

monday i had a coffee date with abby.  she's leaving soon to go on stint to southeast asia. crazy, but so so awesome. not gonna lie, i'm kind of jealous of her life.

i feel like God has me at a really interesting place in my life right now, and i'm not quite sure how i feel about it.  i feel like i'm trapped in a sort of limbo in so many aspects in my life.  but then there are other parts of my life, where i've been content for so long, but now i'm feeling not so content. it's like God has put on a big boot and kicked me from the room of contentedness. i don't really like it.

i feel like when i started writing this post i had more profound things to say, but now i'm kind of at a loss for words...

the suburbs (continued)

i caved and downloaded the new arcade fire album from itunes onto my work computer. it's great. i love it. it just made me realize how much i miss having my music library from my laptop.

buy anyways, i loved these lyrics from the last song on the album, "the suburbs (continued)," and thought i'd share:

if i could have it back, all the time that we wasted,
i'd only waste it again.
if i could have it back,
you know i would love to waste it again,
waste it again, and again, and again.
i forgot to ask.
sometimes i can't believe it,
i'm moving past the feeling again.

~arcade fire, the suburbs (continued)

sheer genius. go download it now. :)

hello september!

it's september...holy cow! in honor of the beginning of the lovely fall months i wore a brown dress to work. i'm hoping that this heat breaks and the crispness of autumn weather will be upon us soon. fall is my favorite season. i can't wait.

they've hired someone to fill the empty position in my office. PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!!!! the past few months have been a struggle because of the absence of a person in the position, but starting september 20 that void will no longer exist. i'm so excited and relieved. i think that the overall atmosphere of the office will pick up...there won't be as much tension and everyone all around won't be as stressed. hopefully i won't be as stressed out and things will start to fall back to a less hectic pace. i'm praying that's what happens at least.

students are back and classes are in full swing. i thought that it would take me longer to adjust, but other then the first few days, i've been fine. there are still moments where it hits me that i'm not a student anymore, but overall i haven't freaked out like i thought i would. and that's a good thing.

kb's wedding was last weekend. oh my gosh it was the most beautiful wedding i've been to. it felt like it was out of a movie or a storybook or something. it was so traditional, but it was lovely.  it was also nice to see friends from project again. it makes me happy that we still keep in touch and have deep relationships, even a year later. i think that i'll be friends with them for life. :) we're getting a lot better at saying good bye too...but i haven't decided if that's a good thing or not yet.

my mom's coming down this weekend and i'm staying with her in raleigh. i'm so excited. i've missed my family a lot. and then next weekend my dad's coming down. it's funny how you don't really appreciate something until it's not really there anymore.

still reading "through painted deserts" by donald miller. i'm loving the book more and more with each page i turn.  here's a little excerpt and maybe you'll understand why:

i think to myself about the weight in my pack.  last night paul and i talked a bit about all the stuff that we carry with us, all the weight we walk around with, emotional baggage, thinking we need stuff we don't need.  we weren't getting very deep or anything, but i keep thinking about it, and how much stuff i walk around with, about how life is a dance and God just meant for us to enjoy life, not get bogged down in sin and religion.  just be good, it seems like, is the point of life; be kind to people; don't hate anybody; forgive people because we all make mistakes.  i know there are always going to be exceptions to this kind of thinking, but it seems like life would be better if we could just let go of the thought we need more and more stuff to be happy, more and more of the approval of others.

--donald miller, through painted deserts

great song.

Get Higher- The Paper Tongues

pretty awesome. check it out.

thoughts of a friend

one of my friends from project posted this on her blog. i loved it and wanted to share:

Don’t discount the place in which the Lord has You. Allow Him to teach you to be content with everything or with nothing. Remember, the END goal is to know Him. May the good times, the bad times, and the ehh times all draw you closer to Him.

--Joy Helfen

:) she's so wise.

through painted deserts

so i finally finished reading east of eden and am now on a new book. i decided to read don miller's through painted deserts. i'm only half way into the first chapter and i know that i'm going to love it. i just really like don miller. i get his sense of humor and love his writing style.  blue like jazz is one of my favorite books. 

anyways, the point of this post was to share a little of his writing. small excerpt from the author's note:

"the seasons remind me that i must keep changing, and i want to change because it is God's way.  all my life i have been changing.  i changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers.  i changed into a teenager to drive a car, into  a worker to spend some money.  i will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we aer near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, cycle of change.  everybody has to change, or they expire.  everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.

i want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die.  i want to keep walking away from the person i was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.

...i sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means.  did You really do all of this to dazzle us?  do You really keep it shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid Your glory would be our distraction.  and God forbid we would ignore Your glory."

--donald miller, through painted desserts

mmm. okay. so maybe this excerpt wasn't really all that small, and i even left out a lot of it...but isn't it great? miller has such a way with words.

i think i also really enjoy this little excerpt because it applies to my life right now. shoot. it can apply to everyone's life.  we must be willing to change. we should crave change because God created us that way. 

i've been thinking about my future a lot lately.  what am i going to be doing this time next year? where do i want to go to grad school? what do i want to go to grad school for? am i even supposed to go to grad school?  not gonna lie, all of these thoughts scare me. i do not adjust to change really well. i'm an intj. i like order. i like system. and i like routine. any wrench that gets thrown into my machine of a life stresses me out.

i've been praying about the changes in my life a lot and i've really gained some peace through it.  my fear of change goes hand in hand with my need to be in control. actually, i feel as if all of my issues stem from my need to be in control. but i can't control change, and since i can't control it, i should just embrace it. don miller says it best.  i should want to change "because it is God's way."