unfathomable grace

my entries lately have had the theme of grace. that's because my devotional is all about God's grace. it's amazing to me how i read about it daily, yet i struggle to apply God's grace to others in my life. i think i've become a bit cynical towards people in my life and towards my school. part of it i blame on senioritis. and the other part i blame on my own selfishness and inability to love others the way i should. i need to be more loving. and i need to care more. i can't be so apathetic in life. i've been so self-centered lately that i haven't stopped to look around and see how others around me are hurting or need to be loved. i need to get my head out of my own world and tune in to the real world. everyone deserves to be loved. and God's grace extends to everyone.

this weekend was good. i went camping on friday-saturday and went to a halloween party on saturday night. i went as ms. pacman. :) i love halloween and fall. i'm also so excited to see my family. they're coming down this weekend. i haven't seen them since august.

God's grace knows no boundaries. it can flow through prison bars and over church pews. it covers those in cancer wards and school yards. it softens the hearts of the runaways and the throwaways and calls to those who refuse to join in the celebration too. it is love. God's grace is love-felt. it is the outstretched arms of God that catch us when we fall. if we tried to write about it for the rest of our lives, the world would run out of ink.
~Sheila Walsh

new ink

i went with becky today to get a tattoo! it's kind of hard to see but it's the word faith with a dove in white ink. it hurt more than i thought it would, but i love it! i can't wait till it's all healed.

God's photo album of grace

"What is the Bible if it isn't God's photo album? It's a book full of our heritage, with pictures of the infinite love, mercy, favor, and goodwill shown to humankind by God. So often we just reduce the Bible to some set of principles, or we focus only on its doctrine--but it's a beautiful album featuring living pictures of God's grace."
~Nicole Johnson

grace that knows no limits

my books from amazon came today. i bought myself two devotionals and the book faith is not a feeling. abby told me to buy it after my little freak out about interning. so i did. the devotional that i'm going through now is called infinite grace. obviously i've only done the first one, but i like it so far. i like that it's all about grace, because i feel like God's grace is something that i forget about so easily.

i think i'm going to start to get involved in the bridges movement that is building here. i'm excited about it. this summer made me realize that i have a heart for international students. i can't wait to see what God does with it.

food for thought: God's boundless grace has no room for prejudice. every man, woman, and child is made and loved by God. he sees no distinction between races and colors, wealth and poverty, the cultured and the coarse. i see no greater challenge extended to the church today than this: to share the boundless grace of God that knows no limits to everyone we meet.
~ Sheila Walsh

wake up.

proverbs 16:3- commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. (thanks becky <3 )

lately that's been really hard to do. in my last post i thought that i had finally figured out what the Lord wanted me to do with my life and my future. now i'm not so sure. i feel like all of these other options are being thrown at me and i don't know what to do with them. my one friend told me about mission year which is working in inner cities (like Chicago) for a year, and you can even get a master's degree through the program, which essentially, i want to go to grad school and obtain a master's degree. but then there's the possibility that i can get a job here at high point working for the school. i'm not sure that working for the school is what i really want, but i'd be getting paid, possibly have health benefits, plus the cost of housing is cheap and affordable. it would be a nice job to save up some money for if i do want to move away to grad school.

i'm still going to apply to intern with cru because i still believe that God was/is calling me to that. but now i guess i'm seriously considering other options. i'm just going to apply and see where i should go from there. who knows. i may not even get accepted, then i'll know for sure that that's not what God wanted for me.

God has really been challenging me this week. everything from phi mu stuff to just my workload for class. it's been exhausting and frustrating. i got to talk to jess on the phone though which was awesome and so encouraging. we're both kind of in the same spot in ways, so it was nice to talk it out with her. i miss her and my roommates a lot.

i'm so ready for fall break. and the road trip to iu. :)

say it to me now...

if you would have asked me to predict where i'd be in my life this time last year my answer would be totally different from the life i'm living now. i'm not talking about if i'd see myself back at school or anything like that. i mean predict my life emotionally, spiritually, relationally.

i can't believe the person that i've become, and i mean that in a good way. last year at this time i wasn't sure what i thought about religion let alone God. i would have laughed in your face if you would have told me that i would go on a summer project and laugh even harder if you told me that it was quite possible that interning with Cru was part of God's plan for my life.

but here i am. post-project a senior in college and seriously considering what God wants for me and for my future. i have a strong feeling that he wants me to intern for a year. initially the thought absolutely terrifies me and quite frankly pisses me off. i never wanted to join staff. i'm not even that involved with cru here at high point. why the crap does God want me to join this ministry? i have no idea honestly, but looking back on it, he hasn't steered me wrong yet.

actually i've been quite blessed. the Lord has surrounded me with people who care about me even if i fail to see it at times. people who push me to do the things that i don't want to, but that God wants me to. people who believe in me and encourage me when i'm doubting. he sent me on summer project, which was the best experience of my life so far. so why wouldn't i want to follow his plan for my life? it's only been good so far!

i've been blessed with an awesome church and support through that. my college pastors, bruce and becky, are hands down the most awesome couple i've ever met. i love that they've been able to guide me on my walk with the Lord and i'm so thankful to have something like that in my life.

i started my application to intern for cru today. it's going to be hard. it's a long application that asks hard questions. i've decided that i'm not going to freak out about applying because i'm just applying. i don't even know if i'll get accepted. i'm also going to apply to different things and just see what God does with them.

i don't think i'm as scared of my future as i have been....well...at least for now.

i am free to dance

oh man. this weekend was so good. and i'm so glad because i was in a slump.

so today at church we took communion. before we did pastor alan gave us some time for personal reflection/confession. wow. did God give me a wake up call. i'm not an emotional person...AT ALL...but God's crazy and doesn't care about that, not gonna lie, i was a little teary eyed. yeah, thanks God. he definitely made me realize things about myself that i'd forgotten or have been trying to ignore.

i haven't really been fair to God. i've been narrowing his greatness. i keep lingering on summer project and everything that i learned there. the Lord taught me so much this summer, but i've been acting as if project was the only place for me to learn lessons from him, which is wrong. no doubt that i was smacked in the face day after day with lessons on project because of the awesome atmosphere i was in, but that's not the only place or way for God to work in my life. i don't think i've been allowing him to work in me since being back at school, which is bad. mentally i've been limiting him. what was the point of going on project and learning all that i did if i'm not going to apply it here and allow God to grow me even more?

i also haven't been very open to allowing God to take control of my future. i say that i have, but really i haven't. and when he does present me with an option i freak out and say that it's not what i want. who cares if it's what i want! it's not about me, it's about him and his plan for my life!

i've been stupid and selfish. i feel like instead of sharing God's love i've been hoarding it to myself, but not even so that i can feel it. it's as if i've locked it away in a little safe, not for me, not for anyone. i need to get over it. i realized that today.